january: cheers for hanging around like a bad smell

oh hi january! good to see you're still here. have you not left yet?

january? or shall i say banuary? the month where all things fun, exciting, tasty and beer inspired...have been banned. all of which have not been darked out of choice but out of force. pure brutal, cold and unsympathetic force. and i'm trying to figure out where it all went wrong as i'm sat here, after yet another night in and after yet another bleak dinner of crinkle cut chips, peas from a bag that never seems to decrease in size and some form of frozen 'meat' substitute. yeah i'm talking chicken dippers, yeah i'm talking birdseye classic 'chargrilled' lookalike chicken.

i'm going back to that fateful day. payday. friday the 21st december 2012. aaaaaallll that time ago. waaaaaay back when in 2012. the day that i'd decided that even though we were getting paid early, i was going to be sensible and make it last...spread out my spending evenly so that i wasn't left up shit creek without a paddle come mid jan aka the first week of jan. it was the day that instead of keeping to my consistent packed lunch routine that i'd been doing really well at throughout the whole of december, i was going to bosh out my card like money ain't no thing and treat myself to a slap up lunch down the pub, leaving me down 15 quid plus a cheeky pint no less. this, all of course, took place just a mere 4 days before christmas and equally the same 4 days left for me to actually buy the remaining 80% of my christmas presents. come the 24th, i'd knackered myself out doing a last minute spurt around the shops, picked things up way over budget and kicked myself that i should have bought most of that shit online. and i don't even like christmas.

i managed a relatively cheap new years. i was 40 notes down from the ticket i bought early december (even though that was paid for time ago so doesn't reeeaaaallllyyyy count anymore) and i had a little cash at hand to spend at the troxy in shadwell with oneman, jackmaster and a special guest bunch of obey cap bussin, new balance wearing 19 year olds who were blitzing their student loans on drugs and £2 glasses, yes glasses, of tap water. but then shit turned sour when my purse got jacked from my bag and the dickhead that nicked said purse took pleasure in pocketing my remaining evening's cash, cards and even had the cheek to check in my coat ticket at the cloakroom and make tracks with my relatively new vintage leather jacket... on new years eve... at around 5am. leaving me to walk home in a invisible coat of disbelief and a scarf, feebly wrapped around my shoulders in the minus degree weather. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you too troxy, happy new year. i mean, i personally couldn't have asked for a better way to start 2013.

and so it was back to work on the 3rd of jan. back to the darkness making an appearance at the ungodly time of about 3pm so you feel like its time for bed and a mug of horlicks. but most worryingly, it was back to the time where you make that stupid mistake of checking your online banking to find that you are more broke than ever and spend the rest of the afternoon reeling at the ridiculous amount of 'cash withdrawal at 1.30am' and 'paid by debit card' notifications on your account, realising that all those times you've pressed 'cash and absolutely NO receipt' have now come back to bite you in the arse. repeatedly.

now here i am, having to endure another 5 whole days of this horrendous month. i've stayed in all week, had a groundhog night situation come dinner time for five nights straight and have watched everything under the sun on 4od and iplayer from the latest jungle scuffle on 'Africa' to yet another baffling channel 4 documentary, this time about american kids in the deep south who genuinely believed they were either a werewolf OR a vampire. sure you are. sure you are definitely one or the other. stupid fucking pricks.

so bring another fun filled weekend without cash monies and another 3 days of channelling what some may call 'hermit chic', which simply consists of finding comfort in the bottom of a cold tin of beans whilst wearing a onesie that hasn't been washed since christmas. but fear not! i'm glad that come payday on monday, i've definitely not got to pay rent, bills, deposits on two holidays and finally, after 5 years, pay the tv license after receiving what i can essentially call blood written death threats. nope. haven't got to pay out for any of that at all...