That’s it guys… we’ve seen enough.

I’m pretty much done being bombarded with Instagrams of Helen Flanagan’s pushed up cleavage, Miley Cyrus’ side boob, Kelly Brook posing in suspenders in a changing room, and Rihanna rolling a doobie in a gold encrusted g-string and not a lot else. It’s just a bit much I feel. Do we really need to see that much skin exposure? And more to the point do their mum/dad/ dad’s pervy mates need to see it? I'm going to go with a probably not. As pointed out above, these are the ones that are currently on overkill across the net. Oh, and The Sun newspaper if you count Flanagan posing for a risqué snap with a gun on the day of the Sandy Hook gun massacre. “It's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life” sobbed Helen on her appearance on Daybreak. No shit. You fucking moron. So here’s my top three worst.

Helen Flanagan (SPOTTED: Flanagan teetering around Manchester city centre in spindly heels,jeggings, and a top knot, shopping (again), definitely NOT spending her footballer boyfriend's cash)



She first graced our screens on the cobbled streets of Corrie as angelic looking schoolgirl Rosie Webster; spawn of veterans Kevin and Sally. Overnight, she was swapping pinafores for PVC and was seen swanning around t’Rovers in a negligée, screaming about a cheating boyfriend. Oh how they grow up so quickly! And by ‘they grow’, I'm pretty sure you know what I’m referring to. Where the heck had they come from and why do we know so much about them already?! Making the executive decision to leave Corrie only a year or so back to pursue other opportunities AKA to ‘get it out for the lads’ on the covers of classy reads ‘Nuts’ and ‘Zoo’, her next bold move was to appear on ‘I’m a Celebrity’. OF COURSE. It was the natural progression right? Hands up who would not want to leave a well-paid acting job on one of the UK’s biggest soaps, to go live in a jungle in the Australian outback until the fickle British public got bored of you and voted you out, eat kangaroo testicles, guzzle rat piss, and share a hammock with a pervy TV host from an obscure 80’s game show on live television? RIGHT. All she managed to do was prance around in a range of teeny weeny bikinis wailing her eyes out, not having a clue what to do other than frantically apply lip gloss, pout, and then cry a bit more, and then couldn't understand why the public would want to keep making her do all the humiliating bushtucker trials when she was just trying to ‘be herself’ *wail wail waaaaiilll*. There’s your answer princess.

Miley Cyrus

The once rootin’ tootin’, cowboy boot wearing, creepy dad hugging, former Disney starlet has now made the stunning transformation into crayzee wild child complete with rock star tattoos, a wardrobe of studded ensembles (for extra rock star swag), fuck loads of creepers, and a video of her ‘twerking’ in a unicorn onesie with no underwear on. Isn't daddy Billy Ray the proudest father around huh? I’m going to reserve judgement on the hair and just say…really? Have you really just lopped off your glossy hair extensions for a dyed peroxide blonde, short, back and sides number? Sure. Ok then. Whatever floats your “I’m not a little girl anymore y’all, I’m a badass bitch now ya hearrrrr” (said in her annoying Texan twang) boat. Course you are Miley, course you ARE. As of late, Cyrus has made some show stopping statements by swapping Sugar magazine covers instead for spreads in more grown up editorials V Magazine and Elle, wearing nothing more than a pair of buttock peeking denim shorts, all while her ‘tweeny’ sized hands precariously cover her boobs. Maintaining some class though. Obviously. Speaking about her private life in the SAME magazine in which she is the cover star, Miley says:

"Like on my Twitter, I’m much more... not conservative, but you don’t see a picture of my dogs. You don’t get that personal stuff anymore."

Ah but Miley. You spoil us! What do you mean we don’t get that personal stuff anymore? Does you wearing leather slacks complete with a backwards belly chain drapsing into the crack of your arse not mean personal these days? I must be unfortunately mistaken.*



Kelly Brook

Ok. So she has a banging bod. There is no denying it. But I’m juuuuust a bit confused as to what she ACTUALLY does? Being the butt of Keith Lemon’s dumb jokes doesn’t really cut the mustard. Nor does appearing in ‘smash hit’ movie ‘Pirahna 3D’, where I’m pretty sure she just wore a bikini and awaited her death as thousands of flesh-eating fish were released into the sea with a hungry set of razor-sharp teeth. I mean, it’s got ‘Best Leading Actress In The Shittest Film Ever’ written all over it. Bravo! Moving on... So she has a line of bikini and underwear sets under her belt for High Street fave Topsh.... no no sorry… New Look. We’re talking big guns here. She bags herself toyboy sportsmen, posts endless Twitter photos of herself in bed with them looking oh so au naturale only to then finish with them and then get back with them, all in the space of about two weeks. To top it all off, she then has to look on as her action hero ex Jason Statham walks around with new girlfriend Rosie Huntington-Whitely (nuff said), the (super) model he upgraded to. Quite literally. What is your life? What is it?



So there you have it. My top three worst attention seeking, cut out Lipsy dress wearing, talentless fools who continue to just well…piss me off. And I just had to get it off my (fully covered) chest.

*I may or may not be a little bit jealous that (my husband) Pharrell has just produced her new album. May or may not.