"let's get right ok?"

it's world cup fever. everywhere you look there's chavvy freebie england flags with love from 'the sun' flying out of cars, greggs filling their window displays once again with cup cakes and gingerbread men disastrously decorated in red and white icing that have the ability to send footy mad brats running loco with the amount of additives oozing out them, hoards of men with not a girlfriend in sight because they have lost them to the honduras v chile game (sorry who?) and wouldn't be the slightest distracted if their women were naked, draped in just an england flag and stilettos lap dancing around their tables covered in chips and beer.

so what are the girls left with? yes. the newly released pics of ronaldo sleazing it up in armani y-fronts awkwardly reclining on a chair sporting a back to 1995 gelled mohican. PROJECTILE.

i will promptly pass on those thanks.

however, what you CAN leave me with is this. EVERYTIME.

the 'hot n fun' new vid from pharrell... and the other two. how is it possible that he can ride around in the back of a car, in a gilet of all things, a furry russian hat and still manage to look like SEX personified. and the gold toofs have gone! i'm a happy happy girl. oh and sozza for the turd quality but needs must...



but, forgetting the slimy portugese and the OTT americans (not generalising AT ALL) tis all about 'engerlaaaand nah nah' tonight and i'm sure we've all got everything crossed that robert 'i can't believe i've got butter on my fingers' green does us proud tonight. and doesn't balls up again- pun DEFS intended. because no doubt the cruel tabloids have their cut out effigies waiting in the wings for poor greeny. in the space of a week, the england team are the best thing since hovis, then one mistake and they have to go into hiding in fear of being beaten and egged for being shite. us english fans, we're as patriotic as they come.

i have to say though, i am getting slightly peeved at having to watch the SAME fuzzy black and white footage of the winning 1966 england team on all channels as they try to convince us all to keep optimistic about our chances this time. because you know, it wasn't like it's coming up to nearly HALF A CENTURY ago that we won it last time is it? noooo. the ye old highlights from that game are wearing a bit thin with the match looking so ancient, the players were probably kicking around a ball made of elastic bands and fans paid no more than a 'tupence' for a ticket. but i'll still be out tonight cheering the lads on and wishing the fab man a happy 64th birthday.


COME ON ENGLAND!

it's about time...

it's about time for a lot of things... like me posting for starters. it's certainly been an age since, that i've probably grown a couple of inches and sprouted some grey hairs, more grey hairs shall i say- i have a 'tuft' of the shitters underneath my thankfully heavy fringe which in the wind pops out and says an uninvited embarrassing hello to the world. my hair saga continues.

what's really been a long time coming though and so far the highlight of my week... the long and overdue axing (fingers crossed it's a bloody, gruesome brutal one) of eastenders finest devil spawn, ben mitchell. now i know he is merely a fictional character but it is moreso his really irritating and annoying face, facial expressions, voice, generally him as an unfortunate being that has me raving 'ding dong the wicked brat is dead'. this is the best bit though, the character itself isn't being ditched...just the actor. how JOKES is that?! blatently the producers are thinking EXACTLY the same as me and has taken them a stupid amount of time to realise how SHIT he is at acting. not to mention they probably feel really guilty now after making ben prance around the living room in a makeshift lady gaga outfit made from tinfoil in front of his staunchly homophobic dad phil while the audience looks on fully cringing.

now i don't condone violence but i did grin from ear to ear when ben finally got a clout from his dad after being a little monster to yes, his just as irritatingly bad acting little sis. and yep it's only a soap, but you have to get your kicks from a few storylines (defs NOT the one involving pat, peggy and the creepy perve harvey who recently suggested a cheeky threesome. christ) but you know what i'm saying?


now to find a way of killing off fatboy/ fatz/ whatver. it makes my skin crawl everytime i hear him say 'braaav' 'babygirl' and 'two two's'. who does he think he is?! can you imagine him even holding a conversation with easties veteran dot cotton? i don't think she could manage raising her eyebrows any higher during her "oooh i saaaaay" look that is constantly slapped all over her mush. saying that though, she probably does need an update from the latest urban dictionary as i swear she still speaks about shillings and the plague.

regardless, prattboy needs to GO asap, preferably by getting runover by his own van, saying his last dying words in full clad rocawear and adidas shelltoes. que the douf douf.