corinne loves adam loves drew.

so you're probably all thinking i'd be using this day as a prime time opportunity to have the ultimate bitch and rant about february 14th. you know, a big ol' spiel about how happy i am being a singleton on the day of love and that i'm TOTALLY cool with it, like totally... *ahem* and how i spent my lunch mopping up my own vomit after seeing men rushing out to buy roses on their lunch break for their loved up wives and girlfriends and how i'm really really excited (genuinely though) about my all the meal deals going on for this eve cos the way to MY heart is through my stomach. literally. so i'm going to pick the bestest one/ best value for money/ cheapest/ probably the most grimiest one cos i'm brassic.... will go home, bang on 'the wedding singer' and drift nicely off into a hazy, pink champagney filled doze...

and so to just to prove to you all that i'm not a bitter 25 year old spinster and that i'm really not at all jealous of all you lovely couples out there, hitting up your local pizza express with the rest of the world and their dogs, sharing over cooked doughballs by the flame of a single tea light followed by the completely unnecessary reenactment of the lady and the tramp spaghetti moment, all just before you hand over your 2 for 1 vouchers...

i leave with you with this. it gets me everytime: full blown tears, lip trembling, the full shebang. and i dont know why.... its adam sandler in horrendous 80's get up and a permed mullet and some ridiculously turd acting from billy idol that makes you cringe. but i love it. and i heart this song to pieces.



so here's to getting old and wrinkly with the one you love. honest!

happy valentines day! x

it moss be love...

so new girl kate middleton is a bit special. what with her being the future queen of england and all that, i'm not gonna hate. she's got a cracking barnet giving cheryl "i've got shit loads of hair extensions in but l'oreal still pay me millions to promote natural, healthy hair" cole a run for her money and she's got swag for daaaays when she's bussing that sapphire engagement ring- forefront of the photos, strategically placing her hand for all to see and drool over, forcing millions of girls to run out and get a replica in 'mikey'. i think wills has done well for himself so they get my blessing... important. obvs.

but.

theres only one other kate more important in my life, heads and shoulders above the rest...

effortlessly cool, doesn't give a shit about much at all except grey blazers and booze, she says hardly anything at all and doesn't have to, has her most successful year to date after the 'cocaine kate' scandal and made BUCKS, has had 'way back when' lovings with johnny depp (say no more) and almost semi turned me to the other side after her appearance in the white stripes video.

moss. kate moss.

so to celebrate her engagement to that alright looking jamie hince but moreso raising a glass to the fact that shes no longer with the stinking hobo pete doherty, here are a condensed selection of some of my fave kate pics smashing it up over the years....


likes a good cup of rosy lee like the rest of us


smokin'


by far my fave ever kate vogue cover


boobs and a beret. why not?


yep.


scrubs up doesn't she?!


LDN reppin'


oh you know...just rocked out of bed, had a couple snaps taken.


emma watson's crop ain't got shit on the moss.


maxin relaxin'

CONGRATS MISS KATE MOSS

that wedding reception is gonna be one helluva shindig. i say another bank holiday day is needed!

hurrah!

whagwan rastamouse!

who would've thought 3 jamaican mice fighting crimes against cheese has given me the best joke of my actual living breathing life?? ME.

my eyes have only just stopped streaming and i now have a craving for cheese. scrap that, MORE of a craving for cheese. it's kind of there all the time, like a dull headache that won't disappear. forefront of my mind. constantly....


tangent much? sorry.

please enjoy. it's brie-lliant. (sorry i just had to)



i'm basically zooma. and i'm not ashamed.

irie.

january wishlist

january.

after having a full 10 days off for the festive period, i'm unfortunately back at my desk. i was seriously getting used to spending the whole day in my dressing gown (my new one of course cos mum gets me that same type of shit for christmas every year. without fail. no joke), eating pringles and quality street for breakfast, rinsing as much free munch as i can from my mums house before i had to head back to hackney to a fridge full of off milk and furry tomatoes and basically boozing every night because i didn't have to have that age old fight with the snooze button on my alarm for work every morning. ahhh bliss.

not only that my jeans are that little bit tighter when i sit down after nearly 2 weeks of filling my face with cheese, chocolate and whatever else i could get my grubby mits on, my face is that little bit more grouchy (yes, it is possible) because we've been told at work that we are only to use our headphones 'for work related business only', meaning i am being forced and tortured beyond my will to listen to 'paradise fm' playing psychadelic funk shit fucking shit thigh slapping country tunes. this also means watching last nights eastenders on iplayer pop out on the sly is a goner to. brewing. get me back on the sofa watching shitty tv christmas specials and films like kindergarten cop on itv2. you know them ones!

so in times of strife, i've got into making lists. mostly of things i want. not 'to do lists'. you know the, 'must go to gym... must tidy room...must save at least a little bit of cash every month and not spend it all like i'm flossin' nooooo, not those type of lists. i'm talking about wishlists. they water down those january blues....for a little while anyway until you realise you'll never be able to cross them off the list and shout "DONE!".



1. jake gyllenhaal

so i saw 'love and other drugs' the other night. (orange wednesday flex, standard) and whilst i won't begin to bang on about how predicatble the storyline was or how anne hathaway's character lived in circa 1998 denim skirts most of the film, i will instead harp on about the GOD that is jake gyllenhaal. oh my actual LIFE. toe tapping, rooting tootin cowboy boot wearing country singer taylor swift managed to bag him how?! back in the day- donnie darko days and the shite film he made with jennifer aniston days, i thought his eyes were a tad bulbous, frog like almost... (obviously not as scary as peep show's david 'shark eyes' mitchell though. they actually creep me out big time) but after 90 minutes of him basically naked as the day he was born, i'm a changed woman! defs won me over. and now basically a little bit obsessed. totally jealous of hathaway getting to writhe around with him the whole film too...i mean, those sex scenes were RAW. literally, no qualms about it, there were no clever camera angles to hide boob, bums and balls, it was nearing on soft porn, they didn't have a care in the world! not one.

2. ashish for topshop tee

people that know me, will know that my first love is, and always has been...munch. i get grouchy when i'm hungry, i get upset if there are a lack of nibbles at house parties and i would defintely say yes to cheese and crackers if they're going after a fat dessert. after breakfast, i'm thinking of lunch, after lunch i'm thinking of dinner and after dinner i'm thinking of booze and crisps. so when i heard ashish was releasing his 4 piece junk food collection at topshop, i had to get my greasy fingers on an item. i dragged my best mate gemma with me, squealing with excitement when i first saw them....kind of stopped though when i realised they were 40 smackers each. EEEK. but she then turned round and said "it's soooo you.. just get it". so me?! fries, hot dog and coke is soooo me?!

yes. yes i think it is.

3. shoes

ok so it's not the weather for really shitty made, plastic, half open asos flats at the moment but i love them. you can't beat a pair of t- bars! and just like peas and carrots/ rum and coke/ cheese and jam sandwiches (don't knock it 'till you've tried it) it's a match made in heaven with my beautiful new miu miu purse. keeping them apart would be sinful, so i'm doing the best thing for everyone...and purchasing them.

4. holibob

after yet another week of riding the tube, squashed up against a hoard of sweaty wet dogs in the morning everyday due to the typical rainy london weather, i am counting down the days until my winter holiday with my mum and sis. the destination is still undecided but i think it's safe to say we won't be hitting up the caribbean like every single A list celeb and their cat at the moment...



i doubt there will be chilling on yachts in my missoni bikini, raving with p diddy and naomi campbell or having champagne shower parties with paris hilton... it will be more of an 'all in' deal, getting waste with my mum on cheap, gash all you can drink cocktails, eating re heated meatballs and pasta every night swiftly followed by 7 nights of 'fun' avoiding being dragged up to do karaoke and the like with the jersey shore lookalikes entertainment team; the same team of pricks you try not to shout 'FUCK OFF' to in the mornings everytime they ask if you want to join in the pool aerobics...

but there will hopefully be some sun, time to relax and escape the winter blues, if only for 7 days.

until then it's wellies and umbrellas on a daily, googling/perving on jake a bit more, refreshing the voucher sites for asos codes and thinking about lunch of course.

pharrell. please can you make my storm feel bright blue? cheers.

woah.

so i just had to send a password request for this as it had been THAT long that i've not written/ been stupidly slack/ completley abandoned my aggy soap box, leaving it well and truly high and dry. to be fair, it was probably 24 hours away from shutting down as virtual cobwebs formed and dust mites ate away at it, only for me to be left with a pop up message saying "you're a lazy fucking SHIT corinne, noone even reads this anymore, we've locked you OFF. LATERS."

waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

but i'm back. and so much has been going on since my last moan fest. i mean, you turn on the tv on a saturday night now to find essex's finest airheads getting 'vajazzled' on 'the only way is essex', which in fact is NEVER the way. for anything. you get to squirm at x factor's katie "if i wear more and more ridiculous fake eyelashes every week maybe people won't notice my shit hair or how fucking irritating and untalented i am" waissel, mugging herself off and BEGGING it live on tv every week and much to the delight of most girls, we can see chezza really always has been a chav. theres the tacky cherry coloured hair extensions cascading down her back plus she's wearing dresses that wouldn't look out of place in the window of river island. not that it matters to simon cowell who is still itching to bone her, agrees with everything that comes out of her little dimpled mouth and is blates fondling her tango orange thigh under the judges desk. and shes bang on it. according to the man himself she has him "wrapped round her little finger". sorry where's your wife to be simon? not shipped her off to a private island somewhere so she can't see you salivating over tweedy? SURE.

anyway, i'm feeling a bit rusty after my 3 month sabbatical *ahem* and my fingers are turning a nice shade of blue as the arctic weather outside hasn't stopped anyone in the office from cranking on the air con whilst we all sit in our full winter gear. not to mention, i am finding it extremely hard to get back into the swing of things at work after a blinding week off consisting mainly of tea drinking, bitching, gossiping, wine drinking, 2 in a row eclairs eating with my mate gemma. such is life.

but now. the only way to celebrate my own long awaited return and of course to brighten up this excruciatingly boring tuesday afternoon is simply done.

one man.
in a shower.
lathered up in imperial leather soap suds.

send.



hypnotized is not eeeeeeeven the word.

enjoy one and all. i know i am.

been a while crocodile.

crikey.

it's been an age.

seems like summer has swiftly been and gone...and it's only august. gotta love british summers. the black opaque tights have been pulled out from underneath the pile of unworn summer garms, my brolly is vast becoming a staple in the bottom of my bag, my holiday tan is fading by the hour despite daily slapping on copious amounts of 'tan maximising' moisturiser and i am finding it increasingly hard not to launch my computer out of the window after seeing everyones holiday/ travelling/ "i'm having the time of my life and you're not. MUG" photos popping up all over my facebook news feed.

kill me.

so yes. i am still a moany bitch. i still find most people really annoying and extra and they therefore get hidden/ darked/ mugged off on facey, still spending more than i actually earn, still continuing to beat up my liver till an inch of it's life and still want to murder the hairdresser that fucked up my hair. so yeah, clearly still LOVING LIFE.

tis not all a bag of shit though. got some stuff to look forward over the coming weeks and i will tell thee all via some pictures. because it looks pretty and well, i might aswell:

in just under a month i will be going to BARCELONA for a wee bit to see my krazy (with a k) irish belle michelle for 4 days of boozing and bitching. my kind of holiday. OLE!


i am currently awaiting these beauties that will see me through into the blisteringly shitty winter thats no doubt upon us. i cannot wait to till they are on my size 4's.


my bestest friend jim (she is a girl by the by) is soon to be a wifey and i one of her bridesmaids. excited isn't the word. 'scared' probably is. we are yet to choose the dresses and i do fear that she has the power and capability (seeing as it is HER day. GAWD. what a bitch) to make me look like a 12 year old fairy, fabulously highlighting my lack of 'boobage' and all coming together in a colour that will make me look ill and jaundice. CAN'T WAIT.

despite an array of delayed flights, dramas and deaths whilst on holiday with the girls at the end of june, with so much shit going OFF you literally can only be hysterical in disbelief, at what can only simply be described as 'all a bit touch and go' i have finally put down all the depressing beyond words books i was attempting to read on the beach before getting distracted with the bat and ball. you know all those 'daddy, don't do it...i said no' and 'uncle sam...i thought you were my friend' kinda books and have finally swapped them for a classic and a fave of mine:


say no more on that anyway...

carnival is ever nearing and i can't wait to be stuffing my face with jerk chicken, banana fritters and anything else going. if last year is anything to go by, i will be on the tube early doors with my flatmates, necking luke warm malibu and pineapple juice from old coke bottles at around 11am and being those annoying pricks who blow their whistles as loudly as humanly possible. because it's carnivaaaaal! what i wouldn't like a repeat of however, is nearly being suffocated to death by being LITERALLY held up smack in the middle of a dirty grime sound system as i came off the beaten path to try and find the loo. i was hastily ushered through the crowd of sweaty, angry 'dutty winers' with my feet not actually touching the ground and my bladder being on the verge of exploding in the blazing heat. only to then finally reach a queue 20 people deep to use a toilet in the back of a kebab shop. FANTASTIC.


so that's it for now.

i'd forgotten how good it felt to rant and rave. i've missed it :)

"let's get right ok?"

it's world cup fever. everywhere you look there's chavvy freebie england flags with love from 'the sun' flying out of cars, greggs filling their window displays once again with cup cakes and gingerbread men disastrously decorated in red and white icing that have the ability to send footy mad brats running loco with the amount of additives oozing out them, hoards of men with not a girlfriend in sight because they have lost them to the honduras v chile game (sorry who?) and wouldn't be the slightest distracted if their women were naked, draped in just an england flag and stilettos lap dancing around their tables covered in chips and beer.

so what are the girls left with? yes. the newly released pics of ronaldo sleazing it up in armani y-fronts awkwardly reclining on a chair sporting a back to 1995 gelled mohican. PROJECTILE.

i will promptly pass on those thanks.

however, what you CAN leave me with is this. EVERYTIME.

the 'hot n fun' new vid from pharrell... and the other two. how is it possible that he can ride around in the back of a car, in a gilet of all things, a furry russian hat and still manage to look like SEX personified. and the gold toofs have gone! i'm a happy happy girl. oh and sozza for the turd quality but needs must...



but, forgetting the slimy portugese and the OTT americans (not generalising AT ALL) tis all about 'engerlaaaand nah nah' tonight and i'm sure we've all got everything crossed that robert 'i can't believe i've got butter on my fingers' green does us proud tonight. and doesn't balls up again- pun DEFS intended. because no doubt the cruel tabloids have their cut out effigies waiting in the wings for poor greeny. in the space of a week, the england team are the best thing since hovis, then one mistake and they have to go into hiding in fear of being beaten and egged for being shite. us english fans, we're as patriotic as they come.

i have to say though, i am getting slightly peeved at having to watch the SAME fuzzy black and white footage of the winning 1966 england team on all channels as they try to convince us all to keep optimistic about our chances this time. because you know, it wasn't like it's coming up to nearly HALF A CENTURY ago that we won it last time is it? noooo. the ye old highlights from that game are wearing a bit thin with the match looking so ancient, the players were probably kicking around a ball made of elastic bands and fans paid no more than a 'tupence' for a ticket. but i'll still be out tonight cheering the lads on and wishing the fab man a happy 64th birthday.


COME ON ENGLAND!